The Humbling of My Heart's Desire's

"Delight yourself in the LORD, and HE will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Dear Friends

Last Saturday, GOD gave me the "desire of my heart" by allowing me to go paddling with four other members of the Huntsville Canoe Club (http://www.huntsvillecanoeclub.org/) down the Sipsey River. Earlier in the week, one of the members had sent out an email announcing that he was leading a trip down the Sipsey River in Bankhead Forest, and the weather was predicted to be sunny, in the upper 50's for the Saturday the trip was planned. The kids were involved in a Pancake Breakfast they were helping with at church and Johnny was resting, so the LORD worked everything out for me to go that morning. John Mac let me borrow his truck, and I got my boat loaded and my gear the night before so all I had to do was get myself ready in the morning. Johnny insisted I wear my wetsuit, though I resisted, thinking it would be cumbersome and hot...man, am I glad he insisted, it wasn't cumbersome or hot...in fact it kept me from freezing to death.
As I made the drive down to Bankhead, less than an hour away, I noticed it was overcast, and wondered when the sun would come out. It was chilly that morning, and I hadn't bothered to check the weather before I left but noticed the temp on the computer was in the upper 30's that morning. I thought wow, it's got a ways to go before it reaches the upper 50's, but I wasn't too concerned, I was just glad to get to go, and thought I had enough layers on.
We met at the Wren Trading Post, before 9:00 a.m. and waited around a few minutes for a couple of others who didn't show up (maybe they were the smarter ones:). By the time we got the boats unloaded, took the cars to the take out, and drove back to the put-in, it was 10:30a.m. I was more than a little eager to get this paddling trip started. We took a group picture and one by one we put our boats in the water. I started out with a bang by dropping my water bottle in the water, and managed to get stuck on a rock at the same time. I watched my water bottle float down the Sipsey while I was stuck on a rock. I thought, how embarrassing, these folks have never paddled with me and are going to think I am inept at paddling...which was the truth right then. Finally, while everyone else was getting their boats in the water, I managed to scoot off the rock, and took off down the river to retrieve my water bottle which was floating about 40 yards downstream. After getting it, I turned around, and paddled upstream to rejoin the rest of the group and tried to gain my composure...apologizing for taking off down river by myself.
So, as we started down the Sipsey, it was chilly...probably around 39-40 degrees. I sure was glad my husband insisted I wear my wet suit. The guy paddling beside me said I would probably get toasty warm inside my kayak with my sprayskirt on, and I did for a while, and then I started getting cold. My toes were cold even though I had on wool socks, and my legs were cold too. Thankfully, the scenery was beautiful, and I enjoyed looking at the big rocks in the water, and high cliffs on both sides of the Sipsey with hemlock trees all around-that took my mind off of being cold a little. By the time we stopped for lunch, I realized my legs were feeling numb as I tried to climb up the hill where we were eating. After stumbling a couple of times, I finally made it up, and the small fire our leader made from nearby twigs and branches sure felt good. Thanks to my husband including an emergency kit in my dry bag, we had matches to start the fire:). Using the "facilities" out there on that cold day was a challenge, since it meant taking off layers of clothing plus my wetsuit, plus my layer under my wetsuit, but i managed, along with some of the others, and was more than happy to rejoin everyone around the small fire. After we ate, and hiked around that area a short time, we got back in our kayaks and paddled downstream. Though the water was running low for the Sipsey at 80 cc's, thankfully we didn't have to get out any, and just scraped a few times on the bottom.
Our leader wanted to take us to Hurricane Creek Falls somewhere along the way, and as we paddled along, he realized that we had run past it. One of the guys who had his gps with him located it and our leader asked if it was okay with everyone if we went back to try to find it...shouldn't be but about a half mile up the river he said. I was kind of either way, probably leaning more towards heading down the river since my brain was numb by this time, either from the cold, or mold in the woods. But, I said I was game, so we turned around to head upstream, paddling back to find Hurricane Creek Falls. After we had paddled upstream a little piece, our leader pulled over to the side and I followed him, while the others paddled a little farther up against the current-I thought it's got to be easier hiking than paddling against the current... wrong. As soon as we got out of our boats, I managed to climb up the slippery hill, and there promptly got rid of my spray skirt. I knew that was just extra baggage that would get caught on everything going through the woods. We hiked up to an old logging road, and walked along it till we joined up with the rest of the group. >From there... the going got tougher and we went down into ravines in which I kept slipping and sliding in my water shoes( I was glad i was in the back so no one saw me) and then climbed a really high cliff. We walked along the edge of it a good ways, back down into another ravine, and back up another tall cliff...I was really, really tired going up hill, and was humbled to be in the back of the pack. I was really, really glad when they stopped to slow down. I don't know if they were waiting for me or not, I was just glad to have the break. Our leader casually mentioned as we were climbing over a tree "that these little side trips is why my wife doesn't usually go kayaking with me". I thought no wonder... that Renassaince feast a few weeks before was looking more and more appealing:). It was humbling to me that these guys who sit at a desk and work all week, seemed to be having an easier time than me. I don't remember praying, honestly, my brain was numb, but thankfully, the LORD strengthened me, and we finally found the falls...High Falls, properly named, it turned out instead of Hurricane Creek Falls, but we all were in agreement that we'd just have to find Hurricane Creek Falls another day, I wasn't the only one tired apparently. On the way back, we stopped underneath one of the cliffs, and i laid down on a rock to rest and took at picture of the hemlock trees way up on the top of the cliff... it sure felt good to stretch out and catch my breath. We eventually made it back to our boats, after going the same route in reverse, and I was still at the back of the pack most of the time.
One thing about it, the hike flat warmed us up for a while and I was thankful for that. We enjoyed the rest of our paddling trip down the Sipsey, admiring the beauty of GOD's creation in the rock cliffs along the way...sort of. I admired the pictures when I got home and could think again. When I was younger I didn't realize the treasure that was mine when our parents took us camping in Bankhead Forest growing up and it became our weekend playground, what a beautiful place to romp and play...and I still enjoy playing there. We paddled up to the take out just before dark and the men were so helpful getting the boats up the hill and loaded onto the cars and trucks.
As I thought about what to write this week, I kept thinking about the trip down the Sipsey, and I thought about GOD's goodness in giving me to "desire of my heart" to paddle down that beautiful river...I wanted to show you my pictures, and have a few of them up, but GOD reminded me of the humbling that came with the "desires of my heart." Though I really enjoyed getting the privilege of going, it was hard on me physically and mentally... hard enough to humble me and feel my age at 45. The kayaking was the easy part, and thankfully no one turned over in that cold water, but the hiking up the hills was truly a humbling experience for me as I gasped to get deep breaths in my lungs. It made me feel better when we got back to the Trading Post for the leader of the trip to say "I'm tired..." I know he was not alone in that:).
As I walked this morning in the beautiful field near my house, I thought about how that trip was such a picture of our lives...GOD is so good to give us the "desires of our hearts," but HE knows we need some hardship along the way to keep our feet on level ground, and our heads from swelling. When Johnny and I married, GOD put the "desire in both of our hearts" for me to be a homemaker, and stay at home with the kids if GOD chose to bless us that way. Then, HE put the "desire in our hearts" to be Foreign Missionaries, and we prepared for that earnestly for several years by Johnny finishing college, retiring from General Motors, and going to seminary. I went back to college, and got my nursing degree while Johnny was in seminary in Ft. Worth, Texas. It was during this time, we took a trip to England with the seminary, and I had some health issues as we traveled and we started realizing I might not make it on a foreign mission field. After Johnny finished seminary, we moved back to Alabama. In a few short months, after Johnny worked in the restaurant business with his family and I worked in Labor and Delivery at Decatur General, GOD called Johnny to be the pastor of Indian Grave Baptist Church near Billingsley, Alabama. We were thrilled, and in November of that year, with our first child due in February, we moved out in the country and onto the mission field of Indian Grave Baptist Church. Life couldn't have been better, and GOD was giving us the "desires of our hearts." We both enjoyed our lives there, though there were challenges, but it was a few months after delivering John Mac that I began having some unusual back pain, and the pain, and health problems continued to grow...until finally, 21/2 years later, Johnny resigned in the midst of a health crisis going on with me. Right there in the middle of GOD giving us our "heart's desires" I was getting sicker and sicker from the pesticides that were being sprayed in our home once a month. I didn't know what was making me sick until many years later, but GOD delivered our family from that situation, though it tore our hearts out to leave...we loved our flock at Indian Grave, and didn't want to leave...especially leave to move back home and Johnny join the restaurant business with his family. That was humbling, he was supposed to be a pastor, and me a pastor's wife...or so i thought. Well, GOD has a way of humbling all of his children doesn't HE..."the LORD gave and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD" said Job in Job 1:21. It took me a long time, years in fact, to bless the name of the LORD for taking that role of pastor and pastor's wife away. As I look back, I can see I was prideful about my role and didn't want to lower myself to be in the restaurant business...I hadn't quite grasped the concept of dying to self and having a servant's heart wherever the LORD chose to use us, and the LORD continues to work on me in those areas. GOD has certainly used Johnny, his family and the restaurant to provide our needs through the years, including my rather large, steady stream of medical bills. Through the restaurant HE has afforded our family many, many opportunities to serve others and minister to others through the sharing of food and fellowship.
As I thought about GOD giving me the "desires of my heart" this week, I thought about GOD calling me to be a homemaker, a housewife, when I was a junior at the University of Montevallo. That role is not very esteemed in the eyes of the world, but greatly esteemed in GOD's eyes..."Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior...that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children...to be workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of GOD may not be dishonored," Titus 2:4-5. It's a role I have loved and struggled with at times. You've read about my struggles in my emails as I have tried to be transparent and let you see my weaknesses, so you can see GOD's power. Through GOD's strength, throughout my many health struggles, HE has allowed me to continue in that role HE has called me, giving me the "desires of my heart." At the same time, HE has truly shown me that "I Can't Even Walk" as a wife, mom, or anything else, without HIM holding my hand. GOD has given me the "desire of my heart," and through my "mountains and valleys", kept me in this role as a stay at home wife and mom even more than I probably would have remained if I had not been sick.
I remember when John Mac was a baby, feeling some subtle and not so subtle pressure from others to go to work outside the home since I had my nursing degree and the pastor's salary wasn't a whole lot in those days. When I got sick, it became a non-issue, as far as others were concerned for me to work as a nurse. I couldn't function well at home, much less work outside the home. It always was settled with us for me to stay at home, I am so thankful the LORD placed that "desire" in my husband's heart at the same time he did mine, but i still felt a little pressured from outside. I have been so grateful that GOD has given me the "desire of my heart" to be a homemaker. Believe me I am not the greatest in the world at it...there are huge gaps in my homemaking skills, like not being the best cook in the world... I don't even make my own bread most of the time, the house doesn't seem to stay picked up, and I don't even know enough about sewing to teach Hannah Beth. But GOD in HIS grace has enabled us to homeschool our children, (thankfully John Mac is almost finished with his second year of college and doing well) and invest deeply in their lives...in the midst of my weaknesses. I am honored that GOD has counted me worthy to fulfill the role of wife and Mom in my home and I have learned that "HIS grace is sufficient and HIS power is made perfect in my weakness." I am thankful for the struggles HE has allowed me along the way to help keep me humble and hopefully usable for HIM. There is a verse from the hymn, "Praise to the LORD, the Almighty," that reminds me how GOD has granted my desires in the circumstances HE has ordained for my life: "Praise to the LORD, who e'er all things so wondrously reigneth, Shelters thee under HIS wings, yea, so gently sustaineth, Hast thou not seen How thy desires e'er have been granted in what HE ordaineth?"
A song that has kept coming to my mind throughout this week is "I Can't Even Walk," by Colbert and Joyce Croft. I've used this song before, and felt led to share it with you again today. Tony Greene(www.thegreenesgospel.com) sang this a couple of years ago at a concert here in Athens, as I was going through a very, very difficult time with my thinking and energy levels. I remember that night as he sang that song at Truth Baptist Church, those words were so true in my life, "I Can't Even Walk, without YOU Holding my hand, the mountain is too high and the valley is too wide, down on my knees is where I've learned to stand, and I can't even walk without YOU holding my hand." As Tony sang, he invited us to come up to the altar and pray. I knelt down at that altar while he sang , and asked the LORD to help me through that difficult time. I confessed that I couldn't walk or do anything without HIM holding my hand. HE has not only held my hand, but HE's carried me through that time, and all the other difficult times HE's allowed along my journey. GOD is so faithful and kind to "Hold our Hand" not just through the difficult times, but HE carries us all the time. HE puts "HIS desires in our heart" and fulfills them, and HE knows we need some adversity along the way to keep us humble and usable for HIM.
One of my favorite devotions from the Bible and retold in "Streams in the Desert" is the story about Joseph being sold into slavery, falsely accused by Potiphar's wife, and locked away in prison for many years during his youth. When GOD did release him, he became second in command of the entire land of Egypt. The caption in Streams from April 15 says "He lifts Joseph from a prison to a premiership. And the length of stay in the prison prevents dizziness in the premier. It's safe to trust God's methods and to go by His clock." --S. D. Gordon GOD had given Joseph dreams years before that he would one day rule over his brothers,Genesis 37:5-11...and GOD also knew what it would take to build the character that Joseph would need in his life before he would be able to lead with humility and love. GOD knows the plans that HE has for each of HIS children, not only in this life, but for all eternity. HE knows the humility that we need in our lives that only comes through adversity, and having to depend on the LORD to "Hold our Hand."

Dear LORD JESUS, help me to be patient when YOU allow and even design affliction to come into my life. Help me to trust YOUR plans and purposes and to know that "just as the sufferings of CHRIST abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by CHRIST," II Corinthians 2:5. Thank you, LORD, for giving me the desires YOU have placed in my heart, and for the sufferings that YOU use to keep me humble in the midst of fulfilling the desires of my heart. I love you, JESUS. Amen

With all HIS love,
mitzi

Would you please remember my friends Tim and Amy Greene in your prayers this week? Many of you have prayed for them through the years with Tim's health issues. He is continuing to have some health struggles and they are back out at the clinic in Dallas for treatment this week. Also, please remember our friends Ann and Van Smith...they are dear friends from our church in Billingsley who have opened their lives and home up to our family many times through the years. Ann has been struggling with cancer and I ask you to remember them before our FATHER too. Thank you so much for remembering these dear families.





I Can't Even Walk
Colbert and Joyce Croft
I thought number one would surely be me.
I thought I could be what I wanted to be.
I thought I could build on life's sinking sand.
But, I can't even walk without You holding my hand.

Refrain:
I can't even walk without You holding my hand.
The mountain is too high and the valley is too wide.
Down on my knees, I learned to stand.
And I can't even walk without You holding my hand.

I thought I could do a lot on my own.
I thought I could make it all alone.
I thought of myself as a mighty big man.
But, I can't even walk without You holding my hand.

I think I'll make Jesus my One and my All.
From now on when in trouble, only His name I'll call.
And If I can't trust Him, I'll be less of a man.
'Cause I can't even walk without You holding my hand.


Psalm 73:21-24 (New American Standard Bible)


When my heart was embittered
And I was pierced within,
Then I was senseless and ignorant;
I was like a beast before You.
Nevertheless I am continually with You;
You have taken hold of my right hand.
With Your counsel You will guide me,
And afterward receive me to glory.