A Bucket Full of Tears

For just as CHRIST's (own) sufferings fall to our lot [as they overflow upon HIS disciples, and we share and experience them] abundantly, so through CHRIST comfort and consolation and encouragement are also [shared and experienced] abundantly by us." 2 Corinthians 1:5

Dear Friends,

I'm not exactly where to start as i share this...but let's just say my heart is still tender and i'm asking the LORD to lead every word i type. Some of you who actually take time to read these emails may have noticed that i didn't send one out last week, and that may have been the first time since i've been writing these for over a couple of years now. It wasn't that i didn't write it...i just didn't feel that i could share what i wrote about yet, just a little too personal and painful.
I still don't feel the freedom to share a lot, but a few months ago the LORD laid someone on my heart night and day to pray for. This has only happened once before in my life, and it got me in trouble then too:). GOD put a great love in my heart for the one HE laid on my heart to pray over a short period of time. I wasn't sure what i was even praying for since i didn't know the person very well at all, but i felt led very strongly, as in I couldn't help myself, strongly, to take a risk and try to build a relationship with this person. The LORD opened the door for several months to communicate somewhat with this person, i did most of the communicating:), to share CHRIST with them, my life, and the love GOD had put in my heart for them. Then last week, the door was pretty much abruptly closed, along with my beliefs in CHRIST challenged, and i realized for the first time, this person truly didn't know CHRIST...thus, the broken heart. For a few days, i did shed " a bucket full of tears." Believe me, the love and compassion and concern for this person's soul didn't go away just because i can't communicate with them, i think it intensified.

A few weeks ago, i read the above verse in Charles Spurgeon's "Morning and Evening" and it jumped out at me like it never has before. You know how GOD's Word is living, well, HE knew this was the time for this passage to become alive to me. This week and last week, and actually in the weeks past, GOD has been so very gracious to pour out HIS consolation on my broken heart and encourage me and I want to praise HIM for HIS goodness to me. I believe with all my heart that GOD led me into this relationship, and HE sent me a ton of encouragement to keep me there. HE knew what was going to happen and HE has been sending me so much consolation...HE is so good and so kind. HE leads us in the hard places and HE provides our every need. I have to admit, my faith was a little bit shaken last week when my faith was attacked. I would never that admit to anyone, guess i just did, but i thought, is what i'm sharing about CHRIST really true? Am i off base in my beliefs?
As i started thinking back over the events of the week, I saw CHRIST's consolation and comfort so very precious and real to me, and poured out upon me in so many ways after i had undergone just a little persecution... nothing terrible, just my faith challenged. The realization that this person didn't know CHRIST was breaking my heart, and only CHRIST could do that in me. I have never been heartbroken over someone not knowing CHRIST before. I'm ashamed to admit that...but it's true. I grieved over the loss of the privilege of communicating with this person, but thinking about them being in hell forever and ever weighs so heavily on my soul and compels me to pray that GOD would save them.

The very day i learned the news, (and the news itself was very gracious in parts and GOD was so kind to allow that ), GOD sent my "angel" over to sew that day...she thought she was coming to sew, but GOD knew i needed a shoulder to cry on and Pam was there for me, along with Hannah Beth. After i cried and shared my sadness...we did sew and it was such a blessing to get my mind off of things for a little while, well sort of:). I thought LORD you were so kind to send Pam on the very day that i received that news...
That morning GOD was so gracious to allow me a phone call from another dear friend who had received a wonderfully encouraging birthday message from her son who has not been walking with CHRIST. We both rejoiced in the LORD working in her son's life, and the LORD working in his life encouraged me that HE would work in my friend's life too. I also got another precious phone call from a dear friend who encouraged me and prayed for me, and both friends are praying for "my friend" now and for her salvation.
GOD was so kind to comfort me through my husband who only had tender words for me when i shared the news with him.
Last Wednesday night, as our family watch "American Idol" -i know, i share that with hesitation,GOD encouraged me from the most unusual place as HE often does. As i was licking my wounds, and sort of wondering is this all real, what i share about JESUS, Dolly Parton sang a song,"JESUS and Gravity" on "American Idol." Out of all the songs she could have sang, GOD put this song in her heart and mind to perform that night in front of millions of people who were watching the show....she sang, "I'm to the point where it don't add up. I can't say I've come this far with my guitar on pure dumb luck...everytime I get too high up on my horse I fall. Cause I've got something lifting me up, and something holding me down. Something to give me wings and keep my feet on the ground. I've got all i need, JESUS and gravity." Something about Dolly Parton having the courage to stand up there and sing that song in front of everyone and tell Simon, "I've got JESUS," gave courage to my wounded heart. I know, it sounds crazy, but i'm being honest. It's like JESUS was saying to me, I'm real Mitzi, I'm here.
As GOD would have it, we were already planning to go to Dollywood (www.dollywood.com) and Gatlinburg Friday, before Dolly sang on "American Idol" last week. Hannah Beth and i were taking a couple of friends, Pam and Tabatha who had never been. Hannah Beth was all excited and i was just kind of putting one foot in front of the other. On top of my broken heart, my thyroid medicine was messed up... GOD put it in my mind to do something different with it that morning and i felt better later on that evening and the next day-Praise the LORD. When we got up to Dollywood about 11:00 that morning it was raining and we almost didn't go, but i'm so glad the LORD put it in our hearts to stay. Although it was rainy, the SON shone through the entire trip so brightly to encourage my heart. It was rainy enough to keep the crowd down, but not rainy enough to shut the rides down so Hannah Beth and Tabatha had a ball riding the roller coasters and others rides to their hearts content. Pam and I hit "Dolly's" museum first thing. Though i've been through it many times, i'm always encouraged about her humble upbringing in a 2 room house with 10 other siblings and the emphasis in her life on CHRIST when she was growing up and now. She has a place to worship in each of her homes now...she has a chapel where she goes to pray. Her granddaddy was a preacher and church and CHRIST was such a big part of her childhood. GOD used those things to encourage my drooping heart as we walked through the museum.
As Pam and I walked around the park, we came upon a group from Zambia that was singing...they were having "Festival of Nations" in the park where they had different international groups come in. We sat down in the outdoor theatre and listened to them sing Praise songs to the LORD...again GOD encouraged my heart, and i was so thankful for Dolly having this kind of group to come in and sing. Every year in October she has Gospel Music Month at the park and all month long you can go and listen to the LORD lifted up through these southern gospel singers. Inside the park, the Southern Gospel Hall of Fame is located, which honors those who have faithfully sang GOD's praises down through the years. As we walked along, it seemed that day, that everywhere i turned, Scripture was jumping out at me to encourage me. We went in one store that was full of Scripture carvings and encouraging sayings and Pam and i walked around just soaking in every word we read. Pam and I had a wonderful visit as we sat and ate at "Aunt Granny's" my favorite restaurant in Dollywood-we must have visited and had fellowship over an hour as i enjoyed my fried chicken, pinto beans, cooked cabbage, mashed potatoes, and i'm embarrassed to go on and on here, but let's just say it was good food and such sweet fellowship. We enjoyed going in the White Chapel at Dollywood, and just soaking in the LORD's presence inside the wooden framed church building. As we went out the general store to exit that day, i noticed several other Scripture verses in that store.
Later that evening, after a full day at Dollywood and being encouraged in the LORD there...we went up to Gatlinburg to eat, and walked around a little while along the stores there. After we ate a delicious meal at Bubba Gump's, we walked into a store i had never seen before and it had the most beautiful engraved laser carvings of Scripture in wood. While the girls went off to check out putt putt and some other places, Pam and i walked around looking at the different wood carvings of Scripture. The verse that kept coming to both of us was "Be still and know that I am GOD." Psalm 46:10. In the New American Standard it reads, "Cease striving and know that I AM GOD."
The next day as we rode in the mountains and Cade's Cove and saw the beauty of GOD's majestic creation, ...GOD reminded me how much HE loves me giving me my heart's desire to be up there in the mountains and get to go to Cade's Cove too. At Cade's Cove, Pam and I sat quietly inside one of the white church buildings and you could feel the presence of the LORD in that church building. Others so long ago had prayed in that simple white building with the wooden benches with desperate needs and broken hearts, and loved ones had been saved and their lives changed for all eternity. I silently lifted up "my friend" in each church we went into, and along the way as we drove and walked. Pam was such an encouragement to me all weekend, and what a special blessing from the LORD she was to me when i needed that consolation most... she has received her encouragement from the LORD through undergoing her own painful suffering and just as it shares in 2 Corinthians 1:6 "If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer." Well, the sufferings i am undergoing is nothing compared to what Pam has undergone, and i am so honored the LORD would raise up such a champion comforter for me at this time in my life...HE is so kind and gracious to give us what we need when we need it most.
Before all of this even took place the previous week, our pastor preached a wonderful message on GOD being sovereign over our affairs. Even when we mess up in our human weakness, we never fail as God's children, because "HE is working all things together for good to those who love HIM." Romans 8:32. Man, did the LORD JESUS know i would need those words the following week, and how i leaned on them as i felt that i have failed in this relationship because of my weakness. GOD continue to pour out HIS consolation the following Sunday as our pastor's wife comforted me with her presence and consoling words...She said, "Mitzi, even the STOP signs are a blessing." The next day, i received an email from a dear friend full of Scripture encouraging me...this is a new friend, another precious new friend that GOD has recently brought into my life and again my heart was overflowing with thankfulness for God's goodness to encourage me and love me through her.
This past Monday evening, as i thumbed through our hymn book, i kept noticing the words about "GOD saving a wretch like me", "He sought me and bought me with HIS redeeming blood," "You're my Friend and you are my Brother even though You are a KING." So many thoughts were running through my head, things speaking to me so much more precious than they have before. You know sometimes we have to go through things, before GOD's word, and the words of the hymns can penetrate our hearts. How thankful i am that GOD sought me out to save me, and i believe HE is seeking "my friend" ...and i realize HE has worked this way in all HIS children's hearts...HE chose us before the foundations of the world to be HIS, and to "proclaim the excellencies of HIM who called you out of darkness into HIS marvelous light." 1 Peter 2:9. We have that common bond in CHRIST, and though we are all very different with different gifts, yet in CHRIST we are all very much the same part of one family, the family of GOD and we understand each other.

As i thought about these things, my faith was strengthened and I knew that the changes that GOD has made in my life and my husband's life, and those who know CHRIST, only CHRIST could do what HE does to make us new creature's and accomplish HIS plans and purposes through us. Nicole C. Mullin's song came to my heart and mind as i walked the dogs in the beautiful green field nearby our house Tuesday evening- "I Know that My Redeemer Lives," based on Job 19:25. GOD has been solidifying this in my mind once again as i have thought of the events of the last few days and how HE has worked so powerfully in the lives of HIS children down through the ages.

Wednesday morning,as i was waiting for Hannah Beth to come out of the orthodontist, i was reading "My Utmost for HIS Highest" when a paragraph jumped out at me that described exactly what i am going through. Oswald Chambers writes:

"JESUS must appear to your friend as well as to you, no one can see JESUS with your eyes. Severance takes place where one and not the other has seen JESUS.
YOU cannot bring your friend unless GOD brings him. Have you seen JESUS: Then you will want others to see HIM too...You must tell, although they do not believe."

I ask you to please pray for "my friend" that JESUS would open her eyes and heart and enable her, as HE has done for us, to believe in HIM. And i asked you to pray for me, as GOD mends my broken heart.

After we left the orthodontist, Hannah Beth and i had the opportunity to play with our beloved dulcimer group at the nursing home. One of the songs we sang and played was "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." How many times have i sang this song in my lifetime, but yesterday, it really meant something to me to have JESUS, the KING of KINGS, LORD of LORDS, ALMIGHTY CREATOR, the LAMB of GOD, to be my FRIEND, and not be ashamed to call me HIS FRIEND...the first line is so precious, "What a Friend we have in JESUS, All our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry Everything to GOD in prayer!" What a privilege is ours to carry everything to GOD in prayer...In the Old Testament the Israelites had to go through the high priest and didn't have the access that we have to go directly to JESUS. He had to die on the cross and HIS sacrifice opened the way for us to come straight to HIM for those who have trusted in the blood of the LAMB of GOD to save them from their sins. It's a privilege i have often take for granted. It took being denied a privilege to communicate to someone that i love dearly to help me understand what an awesome privilege it is that JESUS wants us to come to HIM in prayer about everything...HE wants us to share everything with HIM, to carry our burdens and invites us to "pray without ceasing." HE never tires of us coming to HIM, HE loves us and loves our presence with HIM.
Thank you for taking time to read this and i hope that you GOD somehow encouraged you as you read this. Just as HE allows the sufferings in our lives, and HE knew all about "my friend" and what was going to happen, so HE ordains the comfort, the encouragement, the consolation that overflows at the same time. I praise HIM for HIS goodness to me. Through my broken heart, He continues to pour out HIS consolations in so many different ways, including through many of you my dear friends that HE has chosen to love me and comfort me through...thank you!



With all HIS love,
mitzi

"What a Friend We Have in JESUS"
by Joseph Scriven


What a friend we have in Jesus,All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry, Everything to GOD in prayer!

Oh what peace we often forfeit, Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry,Everything to GOD in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged, Take it to the LORD in prayer:

Can we find a friend so faithful Who will all our sorrows share?
JESUS knows our every weakness, Take it to the LORD in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, Cumbered with a load of care:
Precious Savior, still our refuge; Take it to the LORD in prayer;

Do thy friends despise forsake thee? Take it to the LORD in prayer;
In HIS arms HE'll take and shield thee, Thou wilt find a solace there.



P.S. A dear friend shared this video with me earlier this week with a little girl singing, "The LORD's Prayer"-thought i'd share it with you it blessed my heart so much-thanks, Shelia!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AR4PQ30VkBk