Friday, January 13, 2017

You Don't Know Where I've Been...But GOD Knows Where I Am Going


     This morning i dragged myself to the gym to go to the first dance exercise class I've been a part of since my husband was in seminary in the mid 80's when i went to aerobic classes at the RAC.  I'm a  slow starter in the mornings...i used to be a fast starter before i got sick from different stuff like too many antibiotics, pesticides, chlorine, cigarette smoke, medications, etc and i became allergic to EVERYTHING. I truly was and thankfully by the grace of GOD I am sensitive to a whole lot less things now.  Well, i wasn't dragging to0 slowly after i had my Armor thyroid medicine, my homeopathic drops that help me detox, my little pink drink, and my bone broth protein shake filled with raw eggs, almond milk, avocado, spinach, beet powder, green super foods mix, blueberries, turmeric, ginger, cinnamon, wheat get the picture.  I have been going to the gym now about two weeks and just thrilled to death.  I've was very athletic up until i got sick...and then i wasn't. I couldn't hardly get up off the floor to be honest and i was 27 years old with an 8 month old little baby and a pastor's wife.I am 54 now.   So today, going to the gym and actually taking part in a dance class was a huge victory.  
    A couple of weeks ago, my husband told me to go by and see if i could stay in the gym because he wanted us to start going together.  He didn't have to ask me twice. Though i've tried before to stay in there, the smell of rubber or chlorine was always too strong for me, this time i signed us up and i have been able to exercise without any smell problems.  Finding something to wear was the hardest part so far.  I just had a couple of pair of pants that would work and they both were too short for me.   So after pulling them down around my waist as far as i could so i wouldn't flood too badly, i went to K Mart Thursday and bought me some better fitting pants. Lula Roe leggings work too, and since my daughter sells them, i have a good stock of them and wore the purple ones with different color motorcycles all over them this morning to dance class.  I am self conscious about my weight....and that was a humbling thing for me to go to the dance class as heavy as i am.  I am really thankful to have been able to get on thyroid medicine lately, along with some adrenal support and the other things i do including eating mostly organic, and i hope and pray my weight is going to start going the other direction.  It's been very humbling going from being the smallest or average person to the largest sometimes.  But it's a good humbling because i've always been judgmental about folks who are overweight.  Always. So God is giving me a good dose of what it's like to try, try, try to lose weight and i have to work harder than most people it seems.  But it will come off in GOD's timing.  

My husband took this picture of me this morning before i went to class for a 60 Day Trim Up with Plexus Contest

     So getting back to the dance class...i purposefully went to the class this morning hoping i wouldn't know anyone.  I didn't, thankfully.  Several from my church and old church go to the evening classes and they are like advanced and i didn't want them to see me heavy and stumbling around trying to dance.  God is gracious and there were just a few people there, some close to my age, and skill level:).  The teacher, Erin was really nice.  She made me feel comfortable and although i was on the back row, nothing was hidden in that class with the large mirror in front. Ugh.  But we got started, and i felt like i had two left feet, but it was ok.  I made it through most of the songs...not gracefully but i made it.  Two songs i recognized from my kids days, and dancing to them at their wedding....maybe that's why "The Cupid Shuffle," was my easiest dance move today!  I never thought i could be a cheerleader, and some of those hand and arm moves were just downright "cheerleaderly," and i don't do cheerleading.  The teacher said as long as you have rhythm you'll do fine.  I have rhythm, but i didn't do fine but i made it through and the humility is good for me.  As i looked at my self in the mirror stumbling through some of those dances, i thought this is growth.  Humbling myself, coming to a class where just a few days ago i wouldn't dream of going, and GOD took me there. I am so thankful.  I'm not sure what this journey holds, but I'm sure WHO holds the journey and that is GOD.  
    Yesterday while i was at the gym, i saw a young man who looked to be about 20 walking with a limp and using a cane.  He got on the treadmill and walked several minutes.  As i did the elliptical i watched him, and admired him.  I wondered why he walked with a limp.  When he got off, i gave him a thumbs up, suspecting that was a great victory, harder for him than most people.  I thought about my own journey and the pain and suffering i have been through. For years, no one could tell outwardly, unless i got angry with my family from "allergic reactions," or sensitivities to chemicals.  But now that i've gained weight you can tell i've gained weight but you don't know why.  I eat healthier than most, and i walk pretty regularly so a sluggish thyroid, and hormones diminishing definitely have something to do with it.  I'm very grateful for all the help GOD has brought me in the past and continues to.  As i think about that young man, i didn't know where he has been on his journey, but i admired him for being an overcomer.  I too am an overcomer in CHRIST JESUS and i am grateful to be out on the field after being sidelined for so long.  So when you look at me, don't feel sorry for me and think i've eaten myself to death.  I haven't. But i have had some difficult health challenges that i've sought for answers a long time.  One by one GOD is bring me answers and HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT.  I am learning not to judge others by their appearance, especially their weight.  You don't know the journey they've been on or the efforts they've made to try to lose it.  I know, I am one of them now and i pray that if GOD helps me to lose the weight,

i will never look down on overweight people again.  It's humbling to be overweight. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.  There i will gladly boast in my weaknesses that CHRIST's power may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

                                   "Overcomer" by Mandissa


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