Answering the Greater Prayer

" I will love YOU, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My GOD my strength, in whom I trust...In my distress I called upon the LORD, And cried out to my GOD; HE heard my voice, and my cry came before HIM, even to HIS ears. Psalm 18:1,6


I will be honest with you this morning, I am struggling with what to write. Today is Thursday (when I wrote this) and although the LORD woke me early, I still am struggling with what to write. I have often told HIM when HE quits laying anything on my heart to share...I'm going to stop writing these emails. It's not that HE hasn't given me something to share...I'm just having trouble with what direction to go...so once again I claim the verse "MY grace is sufficient for you, for MY power is made perfect in weakness." II Corinthians 12:9. LORD, be Thou strong in my weakness to think and submit to what YOU want me to share.
I wanted to write about something more exciting, like kayaking which I've promised my husband I'll wait to warmer weather to do... he really does need me around to put his socks on:), but that is just not what the LORD keeps bringing me back to, HE keeps bringing me back to a prayer, a desire of my heart that HE is slowly answering in my life.
Earlier this week as I was reading my "Morning and Evening" devotion book by Charles Spurgeon, I noticed a prayer that I had jotted down in the margin that said, "I ask you to restore my affection and my memory...please help my memory work better." Above that prayer I had written, "Desire of my heart." I think I wrote that a couple of years ago, because in today's Bible reading in the margin I had written down another prayer with the year beside it- 2006, "LORD, I cry out to you about my health...and thank you that YOU are going to deliver me in YOUR time."
Some of you will remember if you've been reading these emails, that in September of that year, I really, really began having difficulty with my thinking, remembering, and just really struggling with those issues, along with some other things. I can remember just sitting here at my computer chair, not having the energy or wherewith all to focus or do much of anything. Interestingly enough, it was during that difficult time that GOD began giving me the thoughts for these emails... and you my dear friends and family prayed for me. I experienced then and now "HIS power being made perfect in my weakness." I couldn't focus on much, but during those dark and very difficult days, HE would give me something to share.
Between Thanksgiving and December of that year, I spent 3 weeks in Dallas at the clinic(www.ehcd.com) trying to figure out what was wrong. I didn't get a lot of answers during that time, but I sure did experience GOD's grace and have fond memories of special things the LORD did for me, like the Greene's being in Dallas at the clinic the exact same time I was there. I walked by the office one morning and there sat Tony and Taranda Greene on the couch...I couldn't believe my eyes! Getting to visit with them and go hear them sing along with a dear friend who works at the clinic was such a special blessing as we got to visit with them for an extra long time after the concert on their bus. People there at the clinic lovingly cared for me when I couldn't care for myself, and the song "Praise You in the Storm," by Casting Crowns became my alma mater for that time. I played it constantly in my room on my Ipod...getting down on my knees and crying out to the LORD in the midst of the storm, Praising HIM even though I didn't understand these new trials HE had allowed in my life. My daughter had put the ring tone on my cell phone, "When you call on JESUS, all things are possible...," by Nicole C. Mullen. What a sweet loving reminder to me of JESUS' love for me and HIS power each time the phone rang during those days I was searching for answers and was away from my family.
I wish I could tell you that GOD just delivered me and brought me through that time real fast...but HE didn't. Instead HE has allowed me to go through a lot of twists and turns, opening and closing doors as my doctors have worked diligently with me to help restore my thinking, memory, and energy levels.
When I saw that prayer request this week that I had written in the margin of my devotion book, the LORD suddenly reminded me that HE has been answering that prayer and desire of my heart in my life. Not as fast as I would have like for things to gone, but on HIS timetable. As I having been thinking,( that's a good sign) about some changes that are occurring in me, I am encouraged, and very thankful for the healing HE is bringing about, and the wisdom HE has given my doctors to help me. Along the way, HE reminded me this morning...HE has caused me to lean on HIM, depend on HIM, and walk with HIM, in a way that I wouldn't have otherwise and I praise HIM for the underlying work HE is doing in areas I don't even realize.
This morning I read from "Words of Comfort and Cheer," and it shared , "Sorrow comes into every life; we cannot shut it away but we can be conquerors in it. When the snow melts away in the springtime, I have often seen under it sweet flowers in bloom. The very drifts are like warm blankets to keep them safe. So it is with sorrow: under the cold snows of grief the flowers of the CHRISTian graces grow unhurt...The love of CHRIST does not harden the heart; it really makes it more sensitive." One of the neat things coming to me from underneath the "snow" is a sensitive heart, the ability to feel tender emotion again. How i thank the LORD for that gift and for hearing and answering my cry to HIM.

I am learning that affliction is one of my best friends. I still don't like it...the fire hurts so much, but I am learning to love CHRIST in the midst of it, and more importantly that HE loves me so much in the midst of it. HE knows what HE is doing through the fire and the plans HE has down the road for it. Psalm 119:71 says, "It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees." This is so true...if it were not for my afflictions I would be living life in the fast track, spending a whole lot less time with the LORD in prayer and study where HE is continuing to reveal HIMself to me. My flesh would a whole lot rather be running around doing something than being slowed down. My loving heavenly FATHER always knows what's best for my life to make me the most like CHRIST and to bear the most fruit for HIM.
The kids and I read the children's version to "Hind's Feet on High Places," an allegory of the CHRISTian life, a few years ago. The author Hannah Hurnard, knew the truth that affliction is GOD's ways of maturing us and bringing joy into our lives. "Much Afraid," is a young girl who wants to go to the High Places with her CHIEF SHEPHERD, JESUS. As she sets out on her way, HE sends her two companions to accompany her, Sorrow and Suffering. These companions usher her up to her new companions, farther down the road, called "Grace and Glory." The older I get in CHRIST, the more I understand this is how HE continually works in each of HIS children's lives to mature us and conform us to the image of HIS SON, by sending us sorrowing and suffering to be our companions. How thankful I am to our wise and loving FATHER who knows exactly what we need to help us love HIM more, and be useful for HIM here and for all eternity.

Some of you may remember Keith Green, the Christian singer back in the early 80's who was killed in a plane crash with two of his young children. He wrote many powerful songs, like "My Eyes are Dry," "Create in me a Clean Heart," and one of my favorites that was sung at our wedding is called, "Make My Life a Prayer To You. As I have written this email and reflected on it, I realize that the LORD took me at my word:) when we had that song sung as a prayer to HIM at our wedding. HE has answered the "greater prayer" of making my life a prayer to HIM through the twists and turns HE so lovingly guides me through in my own journey to the "High Places." The second verse amazed me as I thought about how HE is answering this prayer in my life: "I wanna die and let you give YOUR life to me so I might live and share the hope YOU gave to me, the love that's set me free. I wanna tell the world out there You're not some fable or fairy tale, that I've made up inside my head, You're GOD the Son, YOU've risen from dead."
I do want my life to be a prayer to JESUS, and I understand more and more the cost of GOD answering that prayer in my life. I don't choose pain, but when HE sends it to answer that prayer, I am learning to embrace it and thank HIM for it. HE has allowed us "A Chance to Die" as Amy Carmichael says, in many ways, big and small throughout our marriage. HE is teaching me to love HIM and trust HIM with each prayer I see HIM answering, in answer to the greater prayer of my life, to "Make My Life a Prayer" to HIM.
Thank you so much for your continued prayers for our family. We believe with all our heart that Johnny has done well because of GOD answering your prayers on our behalf. He is continuing to get better each day, although since he's been working some he is experiencing some turbulences...please pray for his wisdom not to overdo it. Thank you for continuing to remember us. I sure don't mind you asking the LORD to continue healing me too, inside and out, to the measure that will bring HIM the most glory. GOD is doing some neat things through this time, and we are so thankful HE used our insurance to pay the "amazing" bill for Johnny's surgery. We praise the LORD for providing for all our needs in CHRIST JESUS, and for giving me the grace to share these thoughts with you in this email. HE is so faithful to hear and answer our prayers, even the "greater prayers," when we cry out to HIM.

With all HIS love,
mitzi