Dear Praying Friends and Family,
When Hannah Beth was born 18 years ago, I was very sick. I went through a time of great physical suffering, as well as emotional and spiritual anguish. When she was two months old, Johnny resigned from the church he pastored near Prattville, Al in the midst of a firestorm with my body...i literally felt like I was on fire inside my body. Because of that, and other issues i was experiencing, we moved back home, close to our family to have help with John Mac who was 2 and Hannah Beth. That was tough for these two souls who a few years before had felt led of GOD to leave all and serve CHRIST on the foreign mission field. After a sudden announcement of Johnny's resignation as pastor of Indian Grave Baptist Church, he brought me and the babies home to Athens, to stay with our parents. He continued to serve for two more weeks, and he and the ladies of the church packed up all our belongings and moved us back to Athens.
During this very difficult and humbling and painful time, I remember reading through the book of Job for the first time in my life. I really, really began to to identify with him. While Johnny was still at Indian Grave finishing up at the church, and i was so very uncomfortable with searing pain all over my body, Hannah Beth developed what the doctors thought was an upper respiratory infection...except she didn't get better. She almost died from suffocation before the doctors were finally able to see a shadow on the umpteenth x-ray-she had a hemangioma growing across her windpipe. She was rushed to Children's Hospital in B'ham, and sedated for a week, while they gave her large doses of prednisone to try and shrink the growth. Prednisone is what I had taken a couple of months earlier for a severe allergic reaction to Macrodantin and had caused searing pain throughout my body. I continued to burn with pain in my back and throughout my limbs while she was in the hospital. I literally put one foot in front of the other. GOD strengthened me and Johnny and I were able to be with her, beside her hospital crib, during that time. After a week, we brought her home, our new home, a small but nice and i think new rental house my brother in law had just purchased...way out in the country...away from our family...and the help that i so desired. But GOD provided help through two little girls down the street who loved to come up and play with the kids, and it gave me a break, and a teenager who came came three evenings a week while Johnny was at work. I couldn't even hold Hannah Beth for any length of time because of my own pain.
I continued Hannah Beth on the Prednisone at home, as the doctor ordered, in hopes of continuing to shrink the growth. A few weeks later, she had to return to the hospital when her symptoms exacerbated, and they did emergency surgery to remove the growth. After another week at Children's Hospital in Birmingham, and staying in the Ronald McDonald House for our wedding anniversary..we were able to bring Hannah Beth home, with frequent trips to the hospital in Decatur to keep a check on her cortisol levels as we had to slowly ween her off the steroids. I was in so much pain, i couldn't hardly lift her baby carrier. My dear Daddy would go with me and take Hannah Beth in her carrier while Johnny was at work. I remember lying on the floor one night, my arms and legs and back not only hurting, but so agitated feeling. Johnny worked in the evenings and i was home alone that evening after the kids were in bed. I was reading a devotion from "Streams in the Desert," from Psalm 103 about being at "my wits end." GOD had certainly brought me to "my wits end," with my crippled health, us having to leave the ministry and i felt like a failure, with Hannah Beth's sickness and not knowing how the steroids were going to affect her long term... I was in so much discomfort that there were times when i thought it would be easier if the LORD took Hannah Beth. That's hard for a mother to admit that and I am ashamed to, and so glad the LORD didn't take my baby girl. HE knew the joy and life that she was going to bring not only to us, but to so many who know her. HE had a plan and purpose for her life, and what satan meant for evil, GOD meant for good, and HE had plans to fulfill through her.
While i was suffering so much during Hannah Beth's first year, the LORD brought a book into my life that brought me great comfort called "A Path Through Suffering," by Elisabeth Elliot. As i began to read through the pages of that book, I began to understand, the message of the Cross, more than i ever have...that JESUS had to die that we might have eternal life, and we are called to suffer and "die", that others may have life and to build things in our lives that only come through suffering...like humility. The things that we hold so dear, and that the LORD takes away, are the very things that HE transforms to bring joy to us and HIS life to others. This book isn't a "mamby pampy," syrupy type book that gives you sympathy. Bro. Mike Dawson, my dear pastor at Central Baptist Church when i got saved recently said this about Elisabeth Elliot: "She afflicts the comfortable while comforting the afflicted." That pretty much sums her writings up...straight to the heart. "A Path Through Suffering," deals with the toughest issues of life that we face when we try to understand the sufferings that CHRIST brings into our lives. It is a book that tells you that we are to follow in CHRIST's footsteps:
"To this you were called, because CHRIST suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in HIS steps."
I Peter 2:21
I grew up going to church every Sunday, and heard about the Cross all my life. But it wasn't until I was really in the fire and had to give up my health, our calling, our desires, and i thought, our baby girl all at the same time, that I began to gain a greater understanding of the suffering that my LORD JESUS went through for me and for you on the Cross. I can remember laying on the floor at my Mom and Dad's when we first came home, laying flat on my stomach because it was so painful to move. I saw in my mind, a picture of JESUS on the Cross and the searing pain that HE suffered for you and me. JESUS brought comfort to me through HIS suffering and death on the Cross in a way that I had never experienced before, and I will never forget.
In "A Path Through Suffering," Elisabeth Elliot helped me to understand part of the message of the Cross, how it applies to our everyday sufferings...no matter how small or large. CHRIST takes our sufferings and transforms them into something glorious, as we offer them up to HIM, Elisabeth Elliot writes:
He wants to transform every form of human suffering into something glorious. HE can redeem it. HE can bring life out of death. Every event of our lives provides opportunity to learn the deepest lesson anyone can learn on earth, "My present life is not that of the old 'I' but the living CHRIST within me." (Gal. 2:20 Phillips). When our souls lie barren in a winter which seems hopeless and endless, GOD has not abandoned us. HIS work goes on. HE asks our acceptance of the painful process and our trust that HE will indeed give resurrection life.'
As CHRIST's sufferings on the Cross were transformed into glory and eternal life for us, so will our sufferings be through the Cross:
"HE has sent ME to bind up the brokenhearted...to comfort all who mourn...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."
Isaiah 61:1-3
As CHRIST was called to suffer, we too, are all called to suffer, and take up our cross and follow HIM.
"If any man would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow Me." Luke 9:23
In her book, Elisabeth Elliot describes how we all have all have a myriad of opportunities each day to deny ourselves, take up our cross and empty our lives for HIS sake and the sake of others:
"We are not often called to great sacrifice (Elisabeth Elliot has lost two husbands, she was only married less than two years when her first husband Jim was killed by the Auca Indians, the second, Add Leitch, died of cancer), but daily we are presented with the chance to make small ones-a chance to make someone cheerful, a chance to do some small thing to make someone comfortable or contented, a chance to lay down our petty preferences or cherished plans. This probably requires us to relinquish something-our own convenience or comfort, our own free evening, our warm fireside, or even our habitual shyness or reserve or pride."
For me, and my family, a great deal of our "cross" in our everyday life has been my health issues. Often our family's life has been to a great extent "directed," through my health issues. Just this week, we had our "family vacation." Some of you didn't realize we've been on vacation this week did you? We talked earlier in the summer about going to Washington, D.C. a trip we've never taken because of my health issues. It didn't go over too well when i found out the family thought it would be easier for them to go if i stayed home. I could have died to self, but i really wanted us to do something together before Hannah Beth went off to college... so the plans for Washington were once again, set aside. That's a small thing, but it is an indication of what our family has dealt with my inability to travel well due to my sensitivities to chemicals. There are some very real issues of dying to self on all of our parts when we travel together.
I really wanted to have a family vacation and tried every way in the world to come up with a way to spend a few days together. When our plans for going somewhere together for a few days didn't didn't work out, we decided to spend the day together, maybe go to Chattanooga. When those plans didn't come to fruition, the LORD gave us the evening together- we spent the evening at my in laws, cooking hot dogs and swimming at their pool. We had a really special time together as Hannah Beth fried hot dogs on the stove after Johnny and John Mac couldn't get the grill to fire up. We sat around the kitchen table with Pop and Baba, eating our hot dogs, cause it was too hot to eat outside. Then, we went outside and all 4 of us were in the pool together, playing keep away with the ball..while "Troy," our Maltipoo kept jumping in and swimming to us. It was a lot of fun just being together, and getting to spend time with Johnny's folks. "Baba" Johnny's Mom said, "I don't know why ya'll don't do this more often..." I thought me too...it was simple, but it was enough, just spending time together as a family. As I am reminded of the suffering that i went through when HB was a baby, i am quiet content to be able to spend an evening with my family without pain...
The LORD reminded me as i was wrestling with our "Family Vacation," plans of another one of the principles I learned from Elisabeth Elliot's book, "In acceptance lieth peace. When we offer up our sufferings to the LORD, whatever it is, HE takes those and transforms them into something glorious, even "family vacations," that get whittled down to an evening together in the pool. Elisabeth Elliot says that suffering is whatever we have that we don't want, and what we want but don't have. I wanted a "family vacation," and tried every way to achieve that in my own strength. When i finally gave up control, and accepted not my will but HIS, we had a really special time together. "In acceptance lieth peace." An orthodox prayer that Elisabeth Elliot uses regularly to help her "accept" is:
"Teach me to treat all that comes to me with peace of soul and with firm conviction that YOUR will governs all. In unforseen events let me not forget that all are sent by YOU."
....including "family vacations:)."
"The pathway to true joy is to relinquish control."
-Nancy Leigh DeMoss, www.reviveourhearts.com
Somehow, my sufferings have helped me to learn to gradually relinquish as I can't "control," things the way i used to think i could. Your kids growing up teach you that too...there is a gradual relinquishing of that "control," over their lives as we watch them grow and eventually "fly out of the nest," like Hannah Beth is going to do next week when we go down to Mobile and leave her there. Ya'll pray for us...it's not going to be easy on these parents who have been blessed with her life and laughter and compassion so very much, but we know this is the next step for her and for us.
"Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains [just one grain; never becomes more but lives] by itself alone. But if it dies, it produces many others and yields a rich harvest." John 12:24
Johnny and I have to "die" to our desires to be with her and let her go...so that our baby girl can go and be further equipped for the calling and plans and purposes that GOD has in her life. Since she was a baby she has had a way with people...even when she was about to suffocate, she had a big smile on her face and it just broke your heart to see her gasping for breaths and smiling. I know the LORD has plans for her and the loving personality HE has given her to continue to grow her in her relationship with JESUS CHRIST, and to further HIS kingdom through her life wherever HE leads her steps. Pray with us, that GOD will use Hannah Beth mightily to bring joy to CHRIST, and draw others to HIM. At this point she plans to major in nursing...pray that HE will use those studies to equip her for the healing and health HE wants to bring to others through her.
It's been a long time since I've read "A Path Through Suffering," completely through since Hannah Beth was a baby. I devoured every morsel of hope then that I could get from Elisabeth Elliot's teachings on death and life and the message of the Cross. GOD really used those teachings to encourage me through one of the darkest times of my life. Not long ago, the LORD led me to start reading "A Path Through Suffering," again. How it has ministered to my soul during this season of my life when we are "relinquishing" our baby girl, a different trial, but a trial indeed.
On Relinquishment Elisabeth Elliot writes:
Relinquishment is always a part of the process of maturing. When CHRISTian parents have done all that can be done to shape their children for GOD, the time comes when the hands must let go. The child, now a responsible adult, must be released. For any parent this is painful, even when the child is moving in the direction the parents prayed for. The child's continued development, and the spiritual health of the parents as well, depend on the willingness to accept this next stage of the cycle-hands off, ready to part without a struggle, giving up authority and control, entrusting that child to GOD."
When, on the other hand, the child has obviously rejected what the parents have taught, the severing is painful in the extreme. All has been done that could be done...the time comes to let go, as it came for the father of the prodigal when he turned his wayward son over to GOD. HE must have foreseen the direction he would take, but he prayed for him and waited every day for his return. GOD cared for that young man as the father could never have done, brought him to bankruptcy (another severe mercy), and returned him to his father, repentant and willing even to be a mere servant.
It is a merciful FATHER who strips us when we need to be stripped, as the tree needs to be stripped of its blossoms. HE is not finished with us yet, whatever the loss we suffer, for as we loose our hold on visible things, the invisible becomes more precious-where our treasure is there our hearts will be."
"For as we loose our hold on visible things, the invisible becomes more precious"...I can certainly say as i look back over these past 20 years of living with a "thorn in my flesh," my health, GOD has caused the invisible to become more precious to me. I have had to "relinquish," certain things that others my age continued to enjoy. These "sufferings," GOD has used to drive me to HIM and to HIS WORD, to seek HIS comfort and HIS presence when I had to "relinquish," my health, and our desire to serve the LORD on the foreign mission field. Once again, GOD is calling me to "relinquish." This time it is the baby girl HE has blessed us to live with for 18 years. As HE has always been faithful, HE will use our "loss," of Hannah Beth in our every day lives to cause the invisible to become more precious to us, as we seek our comfort in HIM.
"Measure thy life by loss and not by gain; not by the wine drunk but by the wine poured forth, for love's strength standeth in loves sacrifice, and he that suffereth most hath most to give." Ugo Bassi
You can purchase "A Path Through Suffering," by Elisabeth Elliot through her website at http://www.elisabethelliot.org./ By the way, we named Hannah Beth, after Elisabeth Elliot, and Hannah in the Bible. Hannah Elisabeth Evans...she's got a big name to live up to!
This week, i have been blessed to listen to several of Twila Paris songs on You Tube while i worked around the house or jumped on my mini trampoline. Tonight as i was typing, the LORD brought to my mind one of her songs I haven't heard this week. The HOLY SPIRIT brought some of the lyrics to my mind and it fits so well with what i'm trying to share with you this week. The phrase, "Freedom only comes when I let go..." really jumped out at me at this place where I am walking in this season of my life...and every season. I am understanding more and more the peace that comes when I let go, relinquish even our most precious possessions and surrender to HIS will. I couldn't find a video of Twila Paris singing it, but i've included the karoake version underneath the lyrics. "A Heart That Knows You," is on her CD, "A Heart That Knows," if you get a chance to listen to it...it is so powerful.
"A Heart That Knows You" by Twila Paris
Thought I knew so much
But I've got so much to learn.
Got so far to go, so much left to burn.
Thought I knew YOU well,
But I struggle in YOUR hands.
Here again YOU bring the truth before me.
Freedom only comes when I let go,
This I know.
Chorus:
And a heart that knows YOU
Is a heart that can wait,
Die to the dearest desire.
And a heart that knows you
Is a heart that can still celebrate,
Following love through the fire.
You would never lead where YOU had not been.
Every road I face, YOU go down again.
Time has come and gone since YOU walked into the flame.
Still there is the pain before the glory.
And it is YOUR will I must embrace.
Oh, for grace.
It may be for my sake,
Just to help me grow.
May be for your kingdom, LORD,
I don't need to know.
And a heart that knows YOU
Is a heart that can wait,
Die to the dearest desire.
And a heart that knows YOU
Is a heart that can still celebrate, (Celebrate)
Following LOVE through the fire
I love you, dear friends and family. Ya'll have prayed us through a lot and I am counting on your prayers to help get Johnny and me and John Mac through this time. I know that John Mac sure is going to miss his little sister...they are very close. Please remember Hannah Beth in your prayers as she adjusts to her new life at the University of Mobile. We will be leaving her down there a week from today.
If you want to drop Hannah Beth a line and encourage her when she goes to Mobile, i know that she would appreciate it so very much, or you can email her at blackbelt777hannah@gmail.com or friend her on Facebook. Please pray for her as she adjusts to school, living in the dorm with a new roommate, cafeteria food, where GOD would have her invest her time, and all that good stuff that goes along with college life...Ya'll have been so good to her and to us showering her with your gifts, encouragement and prayers...our hearts are overflowing with gratefulness to GOD and to you for your love and generosity towards her. Thank you so much, dear family and friends.
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD, "plans for good and not for evil to give you a future and a hope. And you will seek ME and find ME when you search for ME with all of your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13
With all HIS love,
mitzi
"What is real joy, the joy which cannot be taken from us, but sorrow accepted and transformed. What is real peace, but struggle and strife, fear and anxiety overcome. What indeed is real love but self love overcome and transformed into a passion of self-giving."
No comments:
Post a Comment