"You are loved with an everlasting love... and underneath are the Everlasting Arms." Jer. 31:3, Deut. 33:27
Dear Praying Friends and Family,
Thank you so much for praying for me this past week while i was in Dallas. Your prayers sustained me and the LORD blessed me so very much while i was out there, exceeding abundantly beyond all i ask or thought. It was a tough trip out there...i should have asked you to pray before i made the trip...it was really hard, but the LORD got me there, talking to a bunch of folks on the phone, and some of you praying for me as we talked. Thank you so much for being there for me when i needed you and encouraging me and praying for me.
Some of you may wonder what is wrong with me these days, and it's humbling to admit but i have been experiencing a great deal of anxiety for the past several months...there is a lot more that goes with that, but suffice it to say, i did an allergy treatment a couple of weeks ago, on my adrenals and it exacerbated my symptoms a great deal to the point that i felt i had to go to Dallas, and try and get some relief from my symptoms. That was my reason for going, but GOD always has more, much more, when i get there...
After driving out last Sunday, I pulled into "Earls" the environmental apartments where i stay for folks like me who are chemically sensitive, around 6:30 p.m. I sure was lonesome when i moved my suitcase and other belongings from the car up to the second floor after Earl graciously came out, unlocked the gate for me, and told me which room i was staying in. It was great to see Earl, i haven't stayed there in a couple of years, and he has been so kind to me through the years. Earl's wife, has these same kind of problems i have, and several years ago, they moved back to Dallas with the dream of building a safe place for patients like me to stay who have trouble being around chemicals. Earl went to school to be an attorney, but what a ministry he has to us environmental patients and to his dear wife, Vicki, who is paralyzed and unable to help him with the apartments as they had planned.
After i got all my belongings moved in, i talked with Johnny on my phone, and because we both have IPhones, i was able to see his face. What a comfort that was to me...i always miss him when he is unable to go with me to Dallas, and distance sure does make the heart grow fonder. I really was wishing he was there with me. I managed to eat a little supper after i saunaed , I realized i had forgotten to bring soap, my hairbrush, and a few other things i needed so i would have to go to the drugstore in the morning before heading out to see my doctor.
I was up the next morning bright and early, and i checked my phone to check my emails, and my phone locked up. I had never had that happen before. I tried to get it to work but to no avail. I realized now, in addition to going to the drugstore to get a new hairbrush and supplies, now i needed to go by a Verizon store and see if they could help me with my phone. Hannah Beth and I had been to one several years ago when we were out there, but i couldn't quiet remember the location. While i was getting in my car to go get the hairbrush, Earl came out and I asked him if he knew of a nearby Verizon store. He said we could look it up on the computer inside so i went back inside for a few minutes in the sauna room where the computer was located, and it was a blessed few minutes. I shared with Earl the nature of my problems, and the frustrations I felt after feeling so much better, and now i was struggling so again. Earl, encouraged me so much in the LORD, and told me that we need CHRISTians who the LORD doesn't choose to totally heal, but who stay faithful right where HE has put them. He also gave me a little book about having peace in the midst of our trials, that has really ministered to me this week. Earl is a living epistle of having peace in the midst of trials. His wife, after doing well with this illness for 15 years, suffered a relapse, and he has had to care for her for the past several years after she became paralyzed. He is a picture of a man at peace with his LORD in the place that GOD has called him to walk and serve HIM and pour out his life for others.
I left my little visit with Earl feeling encouraged and blessed and thankful for GOD ministering to my drooping heart through that divine appointment with Earl. Thankfully, i had no problem getting to the drug store, and getting the hairbrush. After going back to the apartments to shower and use my new hairbrush:), the LORD led me right to the Verizon store, where the nice attendant showed me how to reset my phone. I was really happy to get it working again. I had to run by another another clinic to taken my IV formula so they could test me on it later for allergies and i got to my Dr.'s visit almost two hours early...to say i was running ahead of schedule was a little understatement! So, i sat out in the car, and i began to read the little book that Earl had given me called, Searching for and Maintaining Peace. In the midst of this difficult trial, peace has eluded me. The Scriptures in the little booklet and the Truths from GOD's Word really nourished my thirsty soul for peace. The first page read that apart from CHRIST, we can't do anything...nothing. The booklet said "we often have to experience failures, trials and humiliations permitted by GOD, before this truth imposes itself on us, not only on an intellectual level, but as an experience of our entire being. GOD would spare us, if HE could all these trials, but they are necessary in order that we should be convince of our complete powerlessness to do good by ourselves." Well, i am sure walking in a place where i have experienced failure with my health when i thought i was about to soar, trials and humiliations, so this little book was getting my attention fast. I have been gradually loosing my ability to do everyday things, and serving at church, and it was comforting to know that GOD was showing me how powerless i am on my own. He just took away a little thyroid medicine when my body started going crazy earlier this summer and HE shows me how helpless i am in my own strength...so very helpless. The author of the book said that to learn our powerlessness is a necessary prelude to all the great things that GOD will do in us by the power of HIS grace. St. Therese of Lisieux said that the best thing that GOD could have done in her soul was "to have shown her her smallness, her powerlessness." I can assure you, the LORD is showing me my smallness and powerlessness these days, and it is so very humbling...but it was encouraging to read this in the book, and to think the LORD does know what HE is doing in the midst of my trials. I sat in the car and read and read, with my soul soaking up the encouragement of the words on the pages before me.
"The LORD gives strength to HIS people, the LORD blesses HIS people with peace. Psalm 29:11
"The peace of which we speak is that of the Gospels; it has nothing to do with any type of impassivity, extinction of sensitivity, cold indifference or being wrapped up in oneself, or which the teachings of Buddha or certain tenants of yoga may give us an image. On the contrary...it is the necessary corollary of love, of a true sensitivity to the sufferings of others and of an authentic compassion. Because only this peace of heart truly liberates us from ourselves, increases our sensitivity to others and renders us available to our fellow man...the one who possesses this interior peace can efficaciously help his neighbor.
One of the most common strategies of the devil in his efforts to distance us from GOD and to slow our spiritual progress is to attempt to cause the loss of our interior peace. "The devil does his utmost to banish peace from one's heart, because he knows that GOD abides in peace and it is in peace that HE accomplishes great things." Dom Lorenzo Scupoli
"The real spiritual battle rather than the pursuit of invincibility or some other infallibility beyond our capacity, consists principally in learning, without becoming too discouraged, to accept falling occasionally and not to lose our peace of heart if we should happen to do so lamentably, not to become excessively sad regarding our defeats and to know how to rebound from our falls to an even higher level. This is not always possible, but on the condition that we not panic and that we continue to maintain our peace."
The first goal of spiritual combat...is not to always obtain a victory (over our temptations, our weaknesses, etc.) rather it is to learn to maintain peace of heart under all circumstances, even in the case of defeat.
"Peace I leave with you, My own peace I give to you; a peace the world cannot give, this is MY gift to you. Let not your hearts be troubled or afraid..." John 14:27
"If we seek peace, as the world gives it, if we expect peace in accordance with the reasoning of the world, or with the motivations that accord with the current mentality that surrounds us (because everything is going well, because we aren't experiencing any annoyances and our desires are completely satisfied, etc. ), then it is certain that we will never know peace or that our peace will be extremely fragile and of short duration. For us believers, the essential reason by virtue of which we can always be at peace does not come from this world..."My Kingdom is not of this world (John 18:36). It comes from trust in the WORD of JESUS.
When individuals are close to GOD, love and desire to serve the LORD, the usual strategy of the devil is to cause them to lose their peace of heart, whereas GOD, on the contrary, comes to their aid to give them peace. But this rule is reversed for those whose hearts are far from GOD, who live in indifference and evil. The devil seeks to tranquilize such individuals, to keep them in a false sense of quietude, whereas the LORD, Who desires their salvation and conversion, will trouble and disquiet their consciences in an effort to get them to repent.
We cannot truly be at peace as long as our hearts have not found their unity and our hearts cannot be unified until all our desires are subordinated to the desire to love GOD, to please HIM and to do HIS will....to always say "yes," to GOD in the great things as well as the small.
"One could say that the surest way to lose one's peace is precisely to try to assure one's own life solely with the aid of human industry, with personal projects and decisions or by relying on someone else. In what state of anxiety and torment does one place himself who thus seeks to save himself, given our own powerlessness, our limited forces, the impossibility of foreseeing so many things and the deceptions that can come from those we count on.
To preserve peace in the midst of the hazards of human existence, we have only one solution: We must rely on GOD alone, with total trust in HIM, as your heavenly FATHER knows what you need. Matthew 6:32
"That is why I am telling you not to worry about your life and what you are to eat, nor about your body and how you are to clothe it. Isn't life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the sky. They neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly FATHER feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they are: but which of you can add any time to your life by worrying: And why do you worry about clothing? Look how the lilies of the filed grow; they neither work nor spin; yet I assure you that not even Solomon in all his glory was robed like one of these. But if GOD so clothes the grass of the field which is here today and thrown into the oven tomorrow, will HE not clothe you much better, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, "What will we eat:" or, "what will we drink? ' or What will we wear?" It is the Gentiles who set their hearts on all these things. Your heavenly FATHER knows you need them." Matthew 6: 25-32
"Our great drama is this: Man does not have confidence in GOD. Hence he looks in every possible place to extricate himself by his own resources and renders himself terribly unhappy in the process rather than abandon himself into the tender and saving hands of his FATHER in heaven."
One can never insist enough on the necessity of quiet, meditative prayer-the real source of interior peace. How can one abandon oneself to GOD and have confidence in HIM if one only knows HIM from distance, by hearsay? I had heard of YOU by word of mouth, but now my eye has seen YOU. (Job42:5). The heart does not awaken to confidence until it awakens to love; we need to feel the gentleness and the tenderness of the Heart of JESUS. This cannot be obtained except by the habit of meditative prayer, by this tender repose in GOD which is contemplative.
Let us therefore learn to abandon ourselves to have total confidence in GOD, in the big things as in the small, with the simplicity of little children. And GOD will manifest His tenderness, HIS providence and HIS fidelity in a manner sometimes overwhelming. If GOD treats us at certain moments with an apparently great harshness, HE also has an unexpected delicateness , of which only a love as tender and pure as HIS is capable.
In the midst of our trials, we can experience these delicacies of Love. They are not reserved for the saints. They are for all the poor who believe that GOD is their Father. They can be a powerful encouragement to abandon ourselves to HIS care, far more efficacious than any reasoning....In abandoning myself to GOD, I experience in a concrete fashion that "it really works," that GOD makes all things work together for my good, even evil, even suffering, even my own sins. How many occasions that I dreaded, when they arrived, in the final analysis proved to be supportable, and finally beneficial, after the first impact of pain. That which I believed to be working against me revealed itself to be to my benefit.
As i sat in the car reading that little book about Peace, little did i realize "the delicacies of HIS love" that i was about to experience the next couple of days...the blessings that HE had for me that would only come through my pain.
The time passed quickly as I read, and before i knew it, it was time to go in and see my beloved Dr. who has been through through her own great trials and through them she has learned how to help patients like me with a patience and compassion that can only come through passing through those waters herself. On her table where we sat was a book called The Hound of Heaven, that i noticed when she left the room. I picked it up to look at it and when she returned she began quoting it to me. I told her i wish the "Hound of Heaven," would leave me alone sometimes...i didn't mean i wanted GOD to leave me alone...i just wanted HIM to let up with the pain or this discomfort of this trial. On the contrary, i want to know JESUS's presence more in my life...not just know about HIM in the pages of a book or a good quote, but truly know the LIVING SAVIOR, and HIS peace reside in my heart. She went through her recommendations for me, as we talked about the problems i've been having, she listened to the frustration in my voice at trying so hard, yet good health seems to elude me. She seemed to understand the frustration i was feeling, at having tried so hard to get well, and yet found myself struggling so again. I know that she has walked through the Valley of Weeping time and again herself, and the LORD has used those trials to help her become the wonderful doctor she is to patients like me whose bodies don't go exactly by the book...in fact the book is thrown out the window when it comes to folks like me, and sometimes i know my doctor would like to throw me out the window:) and I don't blame her...sometimes i feel like jumping out it myself these days!
The LORD blessed me with this doctor to help me through the Valley of Weeping, and in the business of her schedule of serving patients, she made time to go out to lunch with me, and spend time with me....a great "delicacy of HIS love" that was beyond all that i could ask or think. I can't tell you what a dear blessing this was to me in the midst of this Valley of Weeping to get to know my beloved doctor better and be with her. It made me so thankful the LORD let me have this trial, and brought me to Dallas.
The next day, i went by her office to pick up a test and tell her goodbye...i thought. She was seeing patients and doing their lab work herself, but she took time to bring me a gift to share with my son, who has recently been accepted into medical school It was a beautiful stethescope that she herself had been given and used herself and now she was passing it on to my son. Included in the stethescope was the most beautiful letter I have ever read encouraging and exhorting my son in his pursuit of medicine and sharing some of her own sweet experiences of getting accepted into med school, how the LORD provided for her needs, and the joys of being a doctorl. It said everything you would want a doctor to say to your son as he is on the precipice of starting medical school. John Mac opened the gift from my doctor last night after i returned home and he read the letter to me standing over my bed as I held the treasured stethescope in my hands. We both were touched to the core of our hearts by her tender words and the treasure of the gift. I have never seen John Mac so humbled and thankful for a gift.
After she gave me the gift in her office, i asked her if i was telling her goodbye at that time, not knowing what the rest of the day held for her. She told me yes, unless i wanted to come back in an hour which i quickly took that option and came back in an hour after eating lunch. She was on the phone consulting a patient when i arrived and when she finished, she took time to sit down and visit with me for 5 minutes....which turned into more. Again, another "delicacy of HIS love," that i didn't expect, but was so grateful for her taking time for me. She had to get back to work and i had to get back for some more allergy testing that afternoon. When i finished the allergy testing, i knew my doctor might still be at her office doing paperwork, long after her administrative assistant had gone home, and i felt prompted to go by and see her one more time before heading home the next day. I walked up to her office door prepared to knock, and she came walking up at the same time to her door and she invited me to come in and sit in her office while she finished up her work...i was thrilled beyond measure! What a blessing to come in and sit, and watch my wonderful doctor work at her computer. She had to finish up some dictation, so she asked me to wait in the waiting room so she wouldn't violate her patient's privacy and i sure did appreciate her honoring her patient's privacy. When she finished, she came out and sat down and again we visited for almost 30 more minutes before she had to get home to her beloved cats. These times with her were beyond my wildest dreams and I am so thankful for "the delicacies of HIS love," to me in the midst of the sorrow that i have been experiencing with my health. I was very much reminded of the beautiful song, "Where Joy and Sorrow Meet," that our choir sang not long ago... http://www.youtube.com/
The Cross of Calvary, is the place where joy and sorrow met two thousand years ago. The day that seemed to be the worst day in history that JESUS was crucified, became the best day when HE was resurrected two days later. JESUS poured out "the delicacies of HIS love," on that Cross that we might experience fellowship with HIM in HIS sufferings, and be redeemed from the fiery flames of eternal hell to be HIS heirs and rule and reign with HIM one day for all eternity. He calls us now to take up our cross and follow HIM. Sometimes the road is rough and steep, but oh how HE has those pools of refreshing for us, "the delicacies of HIS Love," right in the midst of it like HE did for me in Dallas this week. LORD JESUS, teach me to see "the delicacies of YOUR love," each day as i walk along this "rough and steep," trail with YOU. Teach me to be thankful in the midst of my trial, to trust in YOU with all my heart and not lean on my own understanding, and to offer YOU the "sacrifice of praise," in the midst of this storm. LORD, thank you for the "delicacies of YOUR love," YOU had in store for me in Dallas...teach me to thank YOU for my thorn , where YOU have poured out upon me, "the delicacies of YOUR love" beyond measure and blessed me and others through my weakness.
I was mixing up my IV just now...and feeling pretty frayed, when"I Will Trust You, LORD," by the McKamey's came on my ipod. I haven't heard that precious song in a long time, but what a treasure it is to me in this season of my life...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZJ4_2M1Z2w. I hope you will take time to listen and be encouraged in your own journey to trust our LORD WHO is so worthy of our trust...
I can't close without inviting you to come to know JESUS as your LORD and SAVIOR. HE is our "Prince of Peace," and loves us with an everlasting love and HE longs to have a personal relationship with each of us. HE longs to give us HIS peace that passes all understanding in the midst of trying circumstances. He died for our sins to pay the price for our sins so that we might have Peace with HIM, and experience "the delicacies of HIS love," here on earth and for all eternity. He invites you to come just as your are and surrender your life to HIM.
"For GOD so loved the world that He gave his only SON that whosoever believes in HIM shall not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16
Thank you again so much for praying for me... and please continue as i continue on this journey through the Valley of Weeping. Br. Aaron, our pastor friend reminded me on the way out to Dallas the key word is i am passing through this trial. By the way, Br. Aaron's son, that fell from a scissor lift 26 feet and the doctor said would never walk again...walked a mile this week! To GOD be the glory for the restoration in Jordan's life. He still has challenges so please continue to remember Jordan in your prayers. Jean Brinkley, whom i have mentioned a few times for prayer, went home to be with JESUS yesterday. Hannah Beth taught her daughter guitar lessons, and Jean was on fire for JESUS...now she is in the presence of JESUS. Please remember her husband and two daughters, 11 and 14 in your prayers. Please remember our family, including my Mother in law in your prayers. She is going through a very difficult time in the loss of her husband recently and some health challenges she is having. Our family needs your prayers, and we appreciate so much your remembering us all. Please also remember my dear doctor as you pray. She has a lot on her plate, and is pouring out her life to serve all those the LORD sends to her...and these are difficult patients like me...not just simple stuff.
I love you and thank you so much for taking this time to share "the delicacies of HIS love," with me...to GOD be the glory for HIS great love for each one of us.
With all HIS love,
mitzi
"Trials are not just assaults to be withstood. No, trials are opportunities to be seized. Life becomes inspiring, not in spite of the problems and the hard hits, but because of them." Joni Eareckson Tada
"We're on a pilgrim road. It's rough and steep, and it winds uphill to the very end. We can lift up our eyes and see the unseen: a Celestial City, a light, a welcome, and an ineffable face. And that makes a difference in how we go about aging." Elisabeth Elliot, www.elisabethelliot.org
"These all...confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland." Hebrews 11:13,14
"Where Joy and Sorrow Meet"
2 comments:
Been studying and paraphrasing...Psalm 119 was written by a fellow sufferer who knew where to keep his mind and heart anchored. Relentlessly and intentionally. This and Philippians 4 and Lamentations 3 turn my cries into statements of truth and hope. "But this one thing I call to mind and have hope..." God knows. God is Sovereign. God is merciful, kind and good. God is faithful. He is enough.
Enjoyed your post and am grateful for your bold testimony for Christ. Congrats to John Mac! Congrats to mom and dad, too!
Hey Tamara,
Thank you so much for taking time to read the post and for your wonderful comments. You are such a dear encourager to me, and I thank the LORD for bringing you into my life...yes, HE is good, HE is Sovereign, HE is merciful, kind and good, faithful and enough...Praise HIM! Praise HIM! Praise HIM! I love you and thank you so much for your kind words.
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